Tuesday, March 12, 2013
With sad tidings and a heavy heart I begin this blog. I've been telling myself this post has been put off because of my being sick, but in being honest with myself its because posting this makes it even more real. Any of you who really know me know that my Grandfather, My Papa, has been in failing health and that I've been dreading his inevitable passing.
On February 18th, 2013 my fears were realized and my beloved Papa passed gracefully from this life into my Granny's open and awaiting arms. I feel a large hole in my chest now that doesn't seem to be healing any time soon. It is almost like loosing a leg or an arm. Something important that has been there your whole life and suddenly you are forced to learn to live without it. All logic and good sense in me knows that it was his time and he was more than ready, but the little girl in me just wants one more hug from her Papa.
Never again will I here his classic "Yello" on the other end of the phone or hear his renditions of Old Bill Groggins Goat and Hot Rod Lincoln. Never will I hear a meal called "Good Cracker" or be reminded to pray before a meal lest I want a bellyache. No more Christmas Eve Gift calls or birthday calls. No more hours of stories and family history. I'll never again fall asleep to the unique whirl only his ceiling fans can create. No more lefty and May baby jokes that only he and I could make. No more surprise breaks at work listening to prices of things in his day. So many things that I'll never get again and so much knowledge I'll never get to gain.
Sometimes I find true happiness and peace in knowing he isn't in pain and back with his true love; and mostly that one day I'll see him again. More often I feel a tightness, a lump in my throat I just can't swallow.
Papa was the definition of what a man was. He never met a stranger and everyone loved him. He was the best passenger in my car because he was simply excited to sit back and enjoy the ride.
I'm so thankful for all I learned from him.. How to be a good person and an honest Christian. That we all fall off the path but its getting back on it that matters. He taught me to be a bargain shopper and to not waste anything. He taught me that nothing beats a good burger and a coke.
The most important thing I learned was from both my Granny and Papa and its that true love does exist. There is no way to measure the love he had for his family, and for his Dottie. I will never settle for anything less than undying love. Even 6yrs after she passed Papa never stopped loving or missing her. I hear people say they want a love like Ali and Noah from the notebook, I want a love like T.K and Dottie. Expect more stories and memories as I try to heal my heart so that I may continue to spread his love.
I'll never stop missing or or being a Papa's girl. RIP Tommy Joe. Anchors Away, Papa <3